Off the edge of :: sanity

Self Destruct

2006-06-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

This marks the end of streetsoflife.blogspot.com

It has been an exciting journey of sorts.

Rest assured,the blogger is still hanging around.

Only that the thoughts and feelings will reside elsewhere in cyberspace.

Another day...

2006-03-27T16:05:00.000+08:00

"You have a lot of questions for God.Don't be afraid to ask God,sister..."

I can still hear those words ringing in my ears,long after I left the church altar.

The tears have since dried and my raging emotions have found peace and solace by the comfort of God's words.

Dear God,

As I lay down my desires and questions before You, during this week of prayer and fasting,I pray for wisdom.For forgiveness.For peace.And most of all, the strength to face another day...

AMEN

Goodbye...

2006-03-26T01:33:00.000+08:00

I stared at the mug shot of him for the umpteenth time before I tore my eyes away.The shot of him smiling was just too much to stomach.It was as though he was mocking me.Teasing me.Silently screaming "I told you so" again and again.

How could I have been so foolish?

As I read all the letters he wrote and rehash all the conversations I had with him,I realised just how little I know about him.There was no mention about his family,even little still; his life.He was eerily quiet and silent,while I wrote furiously about my life,my dreams, my goals.

At first,I thought he was being gentle.Polite even by apologising profusely.Never probing further about my life.But instead, encouraging me and allowing me to express myself at will. By the time I realised and understood what was happening, it was too late.The cracks were just too large to ignore.

I realised then, as I realised now,just how different we were.

We were 2 different individuals standing at the crossroads of life.Perhaps, we met because we were both searching for that something which we thought we could find in each other.

But we never found what we were searching for.

I stood at the crossroads for the longest time.I wondered if...if I should move on or stay.

The traffic lights turned green,blinking profusely, as though beckoning us to continue on our journey.As I took one last look at him, I remember whispering a gentle "goodbye" as tears flooded my eyes.With one swift move,I mustered enough courage and took the step of faith to the unknown...

I saw him turning off the street at the opposite direction from the corner of my eye and I knew then...that this would be our final goodbye...

Love that never was

2006-03-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

What was I thinking?

Did I ever really thought things would work out?Why did I put my precious heart out in the open only to be ripped apart by you?

I wasn't thinking,I know.I followed my heart.I did what I thought was right.I took the chance.I wanted to be honest.I wanted to be free to be "me".But I'm sorry if you didn't felt the same way.I'm sorry I didn't match up to your ideals.I'm sorry because I can only be "me"....

To my friends, thank you for encouraging me to take the plunge,eventhough things never work out for me.I'm happy it worked for the both of you and I'm happy you found what you were both looking for.Eventhough I came out a loser,but I'm glad you all came out a winner.

I'm glad God,You showed me patience.You showed me mercy.You spared me from further sufferings.You lick my open wounds and mend my broken heart.

Maybe someday you will show me the path to him...

Maybe someday...

Maybe...

A shoutout

2006-03-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

This is a special encouragement post for a fellow blogger,Getting There.

Hi Getting There,

I may not exactly understand the extent of your trouble or what you are going through at this point in time,but do remember true strength is how high you bounce back up every time you fall.

I wish you all the best and hope you will keep hanging in there...

PS:If you are reading this,you may want to look at your comment moderation box.I think my comments are getting mouldy in there

A disease

2006-03-25T23:46:00.001+08:00

I've been plagued with a disease.The blogging block disease.I could not understand why my interest in blogging have wane or reduced to nothingness.But I shall endeavour and press on in my journey.

Resolution for 2006

2006-03-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

It's better late than never,so here is my resolution for 2006

Be punctual
Be disciplined
Be time conscious
Be in control of my emotions
Eat healthily
Exercise
Lose 2kg of weight
Learn guitar
Read more
Start a functional relationship
SAVE SAVE SAVE

Beginning

2006-03-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

Time flies they say.In the blink of an eye,exams started and ended.Holidays came and went.Festivities flew by and the joys subsided.What remains are the essence of memories; of a time gone by...

Bad spell

2006-01-06T18:34:00.000+08:00

2006 kicked off with not so big a bang as anticipated.

I started off this week with a burnt tongue as a result of over excitement over the arrival of my cheese baked rice at a restaurant.

Verdict: Ended up with 3 packets of coloured pills I don't need and RM25 poorer.

Being enthusiastic over the impending arrival of the festive season,I decided to get my hair done.Unfortunately it became too well done.I walked in with virgin hair and walked out looking like a bomb had just exploded on my head.So much for the festive cheer.

Verdict:Ended up with hair as dry as the bathroom brush and RM118 poorer.

In a desperate bid to ward off the string of bad spells,I decided to do some good works.I gave my friends a lift home and accidentally hit the bum of another car.

Verdict:Ended up with unsightly peel on the body of my car and RM0 wasted.I was gone with the wind before the owner comes a calling.

Now was that supposed to be good or bad?

2006

2006-01-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!!!

Blogging transmission is currently suspended till end of January.In the mean time,let's toast to a year of wealth,health and prosperity.

Cheers~

KL Arts Market - Part 2

2005-12-27T16:54:00.000+08:00

I posted photos of my trip to the KL Arts Market with Elle sometime last week on my Zeitgeist,but I only managed to blog it about it today.So apologies folks.

Here is a pictorial blog for ya:

Batik Prints

A fine potrait of Siti Nurhaliza

Oil paintings (my favourite)

Stringing my bead necklace

Necklaces,bracelets,pendants up for sale!!!

Kids indulging in pastels and paint

Swirl of colours

Bag some colourful bricks?

Traditional music to soothe your ears

Walking tall on stilts

Kicking a fuss with sepak takraw

Spinning tales of gasing

Congkak your way to marbles

Checkmate Kiddo!

Once upon a time...

Did Jer Rid Doo???

And finally,my long awaited masterpiece

Delirious over Delirious

2005-12-27T16:45:00.000+08:00

I never thought Malaysia would have been worthy enough to have an esteem band such as Delirious on our soil.But it sure did.And they are confirmed coming for a one day conference cum concert.Wohoo!!!

Click for more details on how you can grab some free tickets and exclusive backstage passes.

Home for Christmas...

2005-12-27T14:49:00.000+08:00

After endless bouts of waiting around and uncertainties I finally got on to Elle's car for my trip home for Christmas.I was feeling nothing but "R"elief with the capital R.It had been a trying week or rather weeks for me as I wade through exams (yes,yet again!),class cancellations,class replacements,assignments,public speaking and a drama in between.So..the last thing on my mind was...

to walk into a dog kennel (aka my home) and have mom yelling at me that I should have just stayed back in KL for Christmas.What a nice start for Christmas huh? (smirks)

If the above scenario had happen as early as a year ago,I would have did just that.Pack my bags and hop onto the earliest bus back to KL.But that day,I was just too tired to argue.I was still clutching the bag containing mom's Christmas present which I had hunted all over Carrefour barely 24 hours earlier.I chucked that aside and found sleep at 4am.

I awoke to have mom feeling slightly guilty as she sat at the edge of my bed nudging me to wake up for breakfast.Instead of flashing her my "Ignore" signal,I decided I did just let the situation slip.Perhaps I have finally learnt that to forgive is divine.Or perhaps,I have changed for the better.

I decided to drive over to Gurney Plaza to do some really last minute Christmas shopping on the eve.Tough luck.As YK mentioned on the phone,I could hardly get past the security guards let alone park mom's bulky car.One wonders where the heck all the cars are coming from.Penang was practically flooded with cars and people!!!

I rushed home after having tea with my insurance agent at Dome and was again stuck for a good hour at the now infamous Gurney roundabout.I was practically late for Lich's party and had thought of skipping it had it not been Elyse's insistence on going.Hmm..could it be because of that new guy?Anyhow,the cream of the night or the entire trip had to be the countdown to Christmas...

I haven't had such a blast for ages during Christmas and this year definitely was the best Christmas since time immemorial.Thank you to YK and YN!!!(Muaks!!!Luv u gal lots!!!)We arrived about 45 minutes to midnight to find the whole Upper Penang Road aka the clubbing circuit choked with cars and flesh.Fortunately we managed to squeezed YK's Kelisa at an empty lot.From then on,there was no stopping us.Eventhough only a few of us could make it,we had such a great time.It was the first time me and YN actually saw YK wearing a spaghetti top and boy...can she dance...YN was equally sweet and sportingly jiggle the night away as the party heats up to Christmas.

We danced till 1.30 am before heading home reeking of cigarette smoke and alcohol.

I paid the price for partying and as a result woke up the next morning to realise I had missed the Christmas service.Something which I was not proud off.When I was finally on the driver's seat,I had to rush off to several places.Drop in at Uncle's place for lunch,get a cake for dad,buy tau sar biscuits,meet up with Kar Wai(I only get to see her once a year) and pick up bro from the airport from his trip back from Hong Kong.Throw in the traffic jams and the queues,I was dead tired by the time I finally reached home at 11pm.

And the next morning,a walking zombie was seen lugging around a backpack and a bright red handcarry with 3 boxes of tau sar biscuits boarding a cramped bus to KL...

X'Mas cheer

2005-12-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

Comics courtesy from the Internet or The Associated Press

My Saturday

2005-12-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

Either I wasn't paying attention or I was just too cooped up with assignments and tests that I didn't realise just how popular this weekend was until I had 3 different sets of people dropping by for a visit.Makes you wonder where these folks were when you are in dire need of a company.

So anyway,here I was breaking myself into 3 sections trying to accomodate all the 3 different groups.In the end,I had to cancel out on one as I realise I am only human with limited energy and very limited time.Dad came over with his wife and the kids and I took them out for a visit to the night market near my area.I don't know which was worst.Having to sweat it out while we have our meals or having the kids screaming "I want this!I want this!" at the sight of a soft toy.Kids!Remind me not to have any until I am 30.Well then again,provided I am already married by then :)

Even before I could say goodbye to them,it was brother's turn to pop in for a visit before flying off to the much anticipated Hong Kong Disneyland.Since it was the matriach's actual date of birthday yesterday,we took her off to the nearby shopping mall which was packed as usual for dinner.We dropped by my cousin's place for a cuppa and a short chat before heading off to the hotel to drop off my bro.I didn't know the way back from the hotel as each time I tried driving with dad,we would break into an argument on which route to use and all.And on most occasions,we would ended up lost.So,arm with a silent prayer and loud blaring music in my car,I drove from memory and missed an underpass.But no sweat...I managed to pin point my location,recognised the familiar shopping mall and was on the highway home.Well thank you God for the putting the pieces together.

Learning to say "No"

2005-12-15T13:41:00.000+08:00

It's hard to say "No" isn't it?

Sometimes it takes all of your being just to utter those two syllables

But at times,it is necessary

Because I have learnt I can't please everyone

And the only person I should please is my God.

Self Potrait

2005-12-14T18:07:00.000+08:00

Thank you

2005-12-14T17:49:00.000+08:00

Jesus,

Thank you for

anchoring me when I drift away into nothingness;
showing me there is more to life than what meets the eye;
giving me strength when I no longer have any;
pushing me forward when I could not go on;
lifting me up each time I fall;
accepting me with my all flaws;
caring for me like a father to a daughter;
sweeping me off my feet with your love;
your overflowing grace and mercy;
your endless stream of forgiveness;
crushing my enemies beneath my feet;
bringing victory to your servant;
loving me just the way I am;
everything because it meant the world to me.

Thank you Jesus.

Which number are you?

2005-12-10T01:27:00.000+08:00

Get a shock when you read about yourself.

IF you were born on the :

1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month you are number 1.
2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then you are number 2.
3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then you are number 3.
4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then you are Number 4.
5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then you are number 5.
6th, 15th, 24th of any month then you are number 6.
7th, 16th, 25th of any month then you are number 7.
8th, 17th, 26th of any month then you are number 8.
9th, 18th, 27th of any month then you are number 9.

Number 1

You are smart, a straight talker, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,jealous on a competitive basis, kind hearted, temperamental, friendly, and popular. You always want to be on the top and most likely to be independent.You are most likely to fall in love at a young age, but will marry once you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and talented in numerous areas. But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. Because of your intelligence, some might hate you. You are a pioneer, independent & original your best match is 4,6,8 while a good match would be with 3,5,7

Number 2

No matter what, every one will love you because you are ruled by the Moon.You day dream a lot, you have a very low-self esteem, you need to have a back up for every move in your life, you are very unpredictable. You tend to change according to time and circumstances, selfish, have a very strong sense of musical and artistic talent and powerful verbal communication. You can be sweet as an angel and can be ruthless when double-crossed. Some might say you have a sixth sense. You will become a poet, writer, an artist or a businessperson. You are not strong in love, so your relationship will be in disarray until you settle down. If you are a girl, you will be responsible for your family. If you are a man, you tend to get involve in fights & arguments in the family. You will sacrifice your life for your family. You are gentle, intuitive with a broad vision. You make a well-balanced person. Your best match is 2, 7,5, and 9 no other people can put up with you!!!

Number 3

You are hardhearted and selfish most of the time. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will be able to cope with everything. You seem to have your way in everything. And from birth you would always have to work hard to achieve anything you want. You always make a point to set examples on others, especially the younger ones.Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you are comfortable with someone, it will be a lasting friendship. You always earn respect from others. Your Ilk seems to have lots of worries and problems but they won't be for long. You will have brilliant kids! You love money a bit too much so temptation will push you to try endlessly. You will look after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except for men born on the 21st). You love your freedom, creative and ambitious, a person who brings beauty, hope & joy to this world!!! Your best match 6 and 9. Good match 1,3, and 5

Number 4

You are very stubborn, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool and helpful. You might repel people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you area man, as you gifted are with understanding other people's problems. If you are a girl, you excel in your studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of your time with girl friends and you tend to have too much fun with your mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get on with their life and you will be left empty handed. So be careful! You love to spend. Your positive side is that you are always around to help family and friends. You always fall in love with those younger than you. You often live with disappointments but you will take good care of your family. You need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relationships too. You are radical, patient, persistent, and a hit old-fashioned; you live with foundation & order. Your best match 1, 8. Good match 5, 6, and 7

Number 5

You are very popular and you can get things done only by talking. Even to your enemies! You are business-minded and like to do things spontaneously.You will be famous if you get involved in any business. Your friends and families will always ask for your help, and you are the one actually with the money to help your friends. You will have more than one relationship,but when you settle down you tend to be selfish. You tend to go for other relationships - even if you are married at times because of your popularity. You tend to get along easily with anyone because the numbers is a middle number. You love freedom and changes. You learn your life through your personal experiences. Your best match 1, 2, Good match 6, 8.

Number 6

Ooopppss.. you were born to enjoy! You don't care about others. I mean you always wanted to have a lifetime of enjoyment. You will excel in either education or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), and popular. All good things come easily to you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are loveable by any number. But if you are a number 6 men, you will be involved in more than a few relationships until you get married. If you are a girl, most of you will get married/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family and friends. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world's wounds to make peace for everyone because you have the great power and caring talent to take the world of love one step further.. Your best match 7, 6, and 9. Good match 4, 5

Number 7

You are realistic, confident, happy, and talented in education, music, art, singing, and most importantly in acting. You also have a bad temper! You value your family status a lot; you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their married life. Only a few are happy. You have everything in your life but with worries throughout your lifetime. You need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up being single. You are born to contribute to everyone's joy. Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4

Number 8

You have a very strong personality and people will find it hard to understand you. You are more likely to suffer in your younger years. You might be also the one responsible to look out for your family. You often suffer all the way through life. You will learn life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may even die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with a handful of friends and most of the time, live life alone and always prepared to help others. However, once you settle down, (which is often late), then your had lucks will disappear. You will face unexpected problems such as encountering poisonous animals and accidents. You are highly- disciplined, persistence, and courageous, and it is your strength that will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter! Your Best match 1. 4, and 8. Good match 5

Number 9

You guys are the most incompatible people in the world. You are so strong,physically and mentally. You often have big-aims. You will work hard and will think it's still hard to get there, even if you already have gotten there! Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have to fight in life. You are respected by others. You were however very naughty in your childhood, and often got beaten up by your parents and had been involved in fights and you seemed to have suffered lots of injuries. But when you grow older you become calm and will fall into the quiet and dignified macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are however good in engineering or banking jobs because people always trust you.Your family life is very good, but you will always worry over your children. Your finer qualities are that you are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one equally without any prejudice. You are a role model for everyone. Your best match 3, 5,6, and 9. Good match 2

Author Unknown
(Adapted from the internet)

Communication Channels

2005-12-10T01:14:00.000+08:00

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,offer her a ride and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

Mom's FINALLY ere

2005-12-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

I thought it would have taken a horrible disaster to occur before she would ever consider leaving the island for a trip down south to visit her "beloved" daughter.

But yet,she did.But of course,I wasn't THE only purpose why she was here.It was that time of the year again where the Revered Patriach of the family is celebrating her birthday.And so,for the first time this year,the patriach's grand birthday is to be celebrated in KL instead of the usual trip to a horrible restaurant in Penang,where the granndchildren secretly adjourned to mamak stalls to fill up their stomach; the moment the cake cutting ceremony was over.

And so,yours truly drove several miles down south today through the valleys and hills to visit her "beloved" mother and to bond with cousins who wasn't even remotely interested to talk to you in the first place.

Fire

2005-12-09T00:55:00.000+08:00

Imagine losing something that was precious to you...
Something which you have laboured for months and sweated for...
Only to lose it in a blink of an eye...

How would you have felt???

Sad?Lost?Dissappointed?

If that wasn't bad enough...

Someone had to add fuel to fire

Silencing the turmoil

2005-12-02T00:50:00.000+08:00

I stayed up till 3 am last night.Trying hard to silence the turmoils that was raging in my mind and clouding my thoughts.I prayed hard for the clouds of emotions to clear.After incessant praying,I finally found calm and solace in the arms of God.

Today,the first class started late.In fact,for the last eight weeks classes have either been postponed,cancelled or replaced.I have lost track of the number of times the lecturer's have done this.Art exam scheduled today have also been postponed till next week.With the early dismissal,a bunch of us went out for lunch in "his" car.After the events of the past few weeks,finally some signs of normalcy began to surface.Anyway,we tried out the food at Cannes Tea House along Jln Genting Klang.While the rest regain their childhood memories through the game Pick Up Stix on the couch,I sneaked out to call mom.She's into this "I want to start a business mode" yet again.How many times have I heard that phrase?Hmm...numerous times.
Judging by mom's standards,the business won't kick off anytime soon...

I finally set foot at Ming's Tea House.Another cosy tea house hidden along Prima Setapak,KL.The ambience is a perfect setting for couples and friends to chill out.Which was just as well.I was like a lighter with a load.And so,I sat there for 2 hours flat pouring out the events of the past 2 months to none other than Jenny,my Life group leader.I needed direction.I needed counsel.But what I needed most was a friend who would listen and give me an unbiased advice.The meeting turned out to be good.At least for me.We ended with prayer.It warmed my soul and spirit as I drove home in the chilling rain.

Crashed and Burned

2005-11-30T16:39:00.000+08:00

I'm tired.I really am.

I realised with utter horror that I have just spend the last 2 months of my 2nd semester in a drunken stupor.I felt as though I was suspended in time as everything whirl me by.I'm numb.Helpless.Paralysed by all the activities that have taken place in college during this duration.

This semester seem to have taken more energy out of me than ever before.I felt like shouting till my throats grow hoarse,I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs,I felt like jumping from the mountain top,I felt like running like there's no tomorrow,I felt like...

Why am I feeling this way?Well as I sat down and analyse the situation,my mind started tracing everything that has happened back to the day the results were announced.When some idiotic blurted out that I got the highest in class for the GPA at 3.6,suddenly everyone started behaving strangely.Suddenly,I am thrust into the spotlight.Suddenly,people whom I don't know started calling me up asking me questions.Suddenly,people started asking for my lecture notes,my tutorial notes and what not.Suddenly,I became the subject of everyone's conversation.Much to my amusement and disgust.

I have always maintained a very low profile,allowing my work to speak rather than my personality.But ever since that faithful day,I have difficulty in trying to stay below the radar.I felt pressured by all this attention.I suddenly felt that people wanted to get close to me not because they want to be my friend,but because they wanted something from me.Something that they want for themselves.Something which I can't give them.Something which they have to find for themselves...What's that something?My brains?My notes?My life?Or perhaps everything?

And many times in the past week,I have sat alone in the class,in the lecture hall and in the canteen,wondering if...if there is anyone in this whole damned college whom I can hereby declare as my friend...My one true friend...

and the answer is sadly NONE.

Sure,we have some good times together.Sure we had fun.Ohh,yeah...we had lotsa fun.But when the fun is over...Where were you?Guys and gals?Where did you go?Why did you leave me hanging in mid air?Weren't friends suppose to be there for one another?Or was I just being idealistic?Or was I that naive?

I got a real wake up call today.I felt I just can't go on meeting everyone's request.I just can't be the perfect person everyone had hope that I would be.The perfect caring person whom would dish out her lecture notes each time someone asked for it.The person whom they can hassle to teach them a thing or two,the person whom they can throw hurtful insults and yet get away with it.

I gotta stop being Ms.Nice.I am lousy at doing that.And I won't do that anymore.I only know how to be myself.And that's what I want to be and will continue to be...

Week that was

2005-11-28T22:21:00.000+08:00

Been out of action for the past week...

My church was having a one week fast and so,I have decided to not just fast a meal a day to keep the Devil away,but also to fast from Internet as well becos...well...let's just say,it's addictive ok...

Anyway,in return what I did was to jot down my inane thoughts and musings on my notepad before posting it online.So here are my thoughts for the week that was...

Monday

Like the waves that hit the shores,erasing traces of footprints in the sand;so is my life slowly erasing the memory of "him".Things are finally edging back to normal.In fact I sat next to "him" in the lecture hall today and we both did joke although it was a bit strained.Looking back at my previous postings and :) sheepishly as I write this,I attribute all this so called "feelings" to another moment of weakness.We all have our own moment of weakness don't we???Well,I guess mine came at this point in time.Perhaps to hammer in the reality that maybe just maybe,I am not quite ready to handle any forms of relationship other than platonic.So,yeah...I surrender to God.I'm just gonna wait till He brings him to me.

On the other hand,I tried fasting today.My church organised this one week fast and pray campaign to pray for the church members (about 1800 ppl),the leadership as well as the building fund.I can't believe I did it!Considering I was still under medication for my cough and my history with gastritis.But hey,I did it.Praise the Lord!

Tuesday

After being left RM50 poorer and one and a half bottle of cough syrup later,I can finally say I'm on the road to recovery from the damned cough that had been plaguing me for the past 2 weeks.I had to cancel an outing with Elle and Teresa,cause I was too intoxicated to get up from bed.What a shame!I had been looking forward to that outing as I seldom get to meet up with them.well,guess I would have to wait another month before I get to meet up with them next.

Wednesday

Things will get a bit chaotic from now on.My lecturers' have all gone past the assignments phase and they are now bombarding us students with tests and exams.I'm up for 2 tests next week and another one scheduled for the week after next.Sigh~
That's the life of a student.

I attended Prayer meeting tonight and walked away feeling absolutely good.It's been a long time since I felt this way.Which was great really.Back home,it would have taken the life out of me to attend Prayer meetings in church but here...I find myself asking when the next Prayer meeting would be.Talk about a total transformation.Hah!

I believe the fasting have done me good.Nah...perhaps moving down to KL have done me a lot of good.I felt for once,I am moving into a deeper level both spiritually and physically.And this isn't the feel good factor that you often get after you attended a boot camp or a motivation seminar.It's more than that.This experience have a lasting effect which stays with you forever.

Thursday

I finally completed my self potrait which was part of my art project.I shall call it "The Age of Innocence".It was drawn based on a picture of me when I was 16 (Gosh that felt like eons ago).I drew it within 2 days.I was agonizing over how to draw myself when my lazy eye caught sight of the slogan "Just Do It" plasted on my backpack.Bless Nike for coining that catchy phrase.

Friday

Was practically dozing off during Life group at a member's place.I was completely floored with al the replacement classes which went from 8 am till late evening...It almost felt like working!!!

Saturday

The cellular provider decided to pull a stunt on me today.I ran out of credit and couldn't reload my mobile for reason unknown to me.After about a dozen messages to the freaking network,I finally gave up.Now I know why DIGI has the cheapest call rates for obvious reasons.They just couldn't get their act together.Hey DIGI!!!Pls buck uplar!!!

On the other hand,I FINALLY managed to get my butt to my first and supposedly the LAST Youth Aflame meeting in my church.Make no mistake.Youth Aflame is not a license to set Youths on fire or vice versa,it's more like a gathering for young adults and the young at heart.It was awesome and I managed to catch the last leg of worship as I had to pick up a fellow Christian from the LRT.The YAs as they are known are planning to organise a New Year's eve bash.Am looking forward to that.

Sunday

I can't remember when was the last time I was bitten by a dog.A supposedly domestic one at that.And so,when it did happened,I was pretty stunned.I'm glad I didn't throw a fit or ran amok eventhough my jeans was completly ripped off at the ankle and it was bleeding profusely.I had to be whisk off to the clinic and was given a lethal jab which sent me straight to bed.I'll stay a mile away from a dog the next time round...Now,if only I can remember that advice...

A moment of clarity

2005-11-20T02:45:00.000+08:00

I just came out fresh from an online conversation with my brother.

I am touched and duly impressed by it.

I haven't spoken or rather conversed with him like a brother and sister should for ages.Each time I am back home,there were 1001 things I needed to do.Like cleaning up the bathroom,stocking up the groceries,visiting my granny,meeting up with friends and dropping by dad's place.Everyone and everything seem to want a piece of me and so,by the time I was done I had little or no more time to sit down for a good chat with him.

We spoke on many things.Among those were things which we have never revealed to each other before.I am touched by his openness and honesty.Because if you know my brother,you would know that he is not the type who would expressed himself easily.He won't pour out his emotions nor allow other's to detect even a slight hint of sadness or dissappointment in his life.He did rather keep things to himself.Prefering to let everyone assume he is OK, while he is dying deep inside.

And so tonight, I finally discovered the truth on why he left his previous company,why he decided to buy a house and etc.But more so,I discovered...somewhere along the line that we are so similar in so many ways and yet...so different.That moment of clarity came like a thunder,allowing me to glimpse his true self.I wished moment's like these would last;long enough for me to decipher his moods and his thoughts on life.I wished~

One Liners

2005-11-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

Brilliant one liners

Give God what's right -- not what's left.
Man's way leads to a hopeless end ; God's way leads to an endless hope.
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma, but never let him be the period.
Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
The church is prayer-conditioned.
When God ordains, He sustains.
WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
He who angers you controls you.
Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.

Nokia mobile

2005-11-19T01:37:00.000+08:00

Some interesting facts on your Nokia mobile:

Imagine your mobile battery is very low, you are expecting an important call and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with reserve Battery. To activate, key is *3370# your mobile will restart with this Reserve and your instrument will show a 50%increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency,dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you. Do share this important info with others too. Hope you'll never need to use it though! And interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even while the keypad is locked. Try it out.

Nick this from cyberspace.Not sure if it works though...

Indulge

2005-11-18T17:51:00.000+08:00

As my cough mixture swim through the course of my veins,I sit back and allow my thoughts to wander and my feelings to stray to the thought of "him"...

I realised since the start of last week,I have been writing mostly about "him".I sound like a besotted teenager right?If only I am not so transparent.But when emotions spill over to real life,it just can't be contained.And so I shall pour out my emotions here where it is safe from the confines of reality.

Sigh~

If only life weren't so complicated.If only feelings and emotions were so easily contained.Then things would have been different.But we have reached a point of no return.Only moving on.I am now trying.Trying to get past that stage of acting normal and hoping to be normal around him.I guess I felt like a fool really at the aftermath of it all.I guess I should have seen the signs and interpreted the signs clearly.I guess I shouldn't have fallen so hard for him, subconsciously.

After all that has happened,I suppose I don't even want to pursue any more relationships with any other guy.Especially the one which I had liked before "he" came along.Not now....Just not now....

After all that has happened,I guess I was just not ready for any kind of relationship.I am just not prepared for the wave of emotions that it brings and the roller coaster ride of love.Coming from a broken family,I supposed what I was looking for in love was security.

Warmth,love,comfort.

The one person that would complete the missing puzzle in my life.But things don't always go my way,I suppose.God has His own plans for me.

And so,I figured I am much happier on my own.Sure,there would be days when I would have to walk alone.Eat alone.Laugh alone.Cry alone.But if that is my destiny,then so shall it be.

No use fighting with fate.In the end,fate always wins...

Potter Mania

2005-11-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this!!!(throw hands up in the air)

I actually passed over a uber cool movie for something like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.What is wrong with me???Argh!!!(Pulls my hair out)

I guess majority always wins.I had wanted to watch Just Like Heaven for ages ever since it was released.

But....(with me there is always "buts...")

None of my coursemates were remotely interested to watch that movie.And so,I trudged along with 5 other hot blooded males to watch Harry Potter,of all movies!!!

Ya..ya...I know I can choose not to go...but being the social butterfly that I am...I can not go because that just isn't me.I was pretty sceptical and apprehensive of the movie at first.Simply cos,I am probably the only person in the world who hasn't read ANY of the Harry Potter's books or watched ANY of the movies.Now wait, I am not outdated OK.At least I DO know who the heck JK Rowling is.But I suppose that's all I know bout Harry Potter (smiles sheepishly)

We took off in "his" car.I think I don't have to introduce who "his" or "him" is.If you have been reading my blog,you should have been able to figured that out by now.Anyway,I was squished to the corner at the backseat of the car with 3 other males,while he and his gay buddy sat at the front.No,I didn't throw any tantrums or glared at "him".I am more civilized than that.

Trying to get good seats for the so called "Movie of the Year" on the opening day without any reservations was trying enough.We also had to endure the horror of queuing in a lane which snake all the way from the cinema to the cosmetics counter with all the teenagers in tow.Talk about MAD!When it finally came to our turn,the only seats left were none other than the best seats in the cinema.The ones that is smacked right at the front.I prayed hard that I didn't end up with a permanent pain in the neck.

I didn't have any expectations for the movie and so I was neither delighted nor dissappointed with the movie.It was so-so by my standards.Why??Becos...

It was 3 bloody hours
The movie had too many cuts
The movie was nothing like the book (that's what I've been told)
The characters were not fully explored
The movie was trying to piece everything together...miserably
I couldn't tell the ending was coming until the staff open up the side exit
I was barking almost every 15 minutes

OK..So the last reason wasn't any of Harry's fault.But it did affect me as I was coughing while the whole cinema roared in laughter.That pretty much spoiled the fun for me.

So if you feel like watching the movie,go only if you are a Harry Potter fan.Otherwise,donate your RM10 to Streets Of Life for her medical fund which is depleting faster than she can scream "ha...choooo"

Wai Sek Kai

2005-11-16T02:23:00.000+08:00

It was a light discussion over lunch last week,that resulted in me and a bunch of 5 other food crazies driving several kilometres across town today (or rather yesterday) to sample some of KL and Selangor's best dishes at Wai Sek Kai (Loosely translated as Food Bingeing Street)

We had such a great time sampling the Otak-otak, fried mussels, popiah, loh bak and nasi lemak.We later scooted over to Petaling Street to enjoy the Mango,Kiwi and Yam Lolo (Thumbs up!!!).We braved the rain,office rush hour and several wrong turns before satisfying our tummy.6 hours later,yours truly was as tired as a log dreaming off the heavenly bowl of Yam Lolo that is swimming in her stomach...

Love or mere infatuation?

2005-11-16T02:19:00.000+08:00

love

to have a strong feeling of affection for someone,combined with sexual attraction
to care very much about someone especially a member of your family or a close friend
to like something very much or to enjoy doing something very much

infatuation

a strong feeling of love for someone or interest in something,especially a feeling that is unreasonable and does not continue for a long time

Here's another slice of myself that's been buried so long,I almost lost it.

My early exposure to the romantic world came when I was a mere 8 year old.At that time,I don't know what was love,let alone infatuations.A cute Malay boy hand me a HACKS sweet,the black stuff that your grandfather likes to chew on when he has a bad cough.This boy,proceeded to scribble "Hanya Aku Cinta Kau Seorang" of which the initials was HACKS.I never forgot him.

When I was 13,right after puberty I met this boy who took the same school bus as me.He was studying in a Chinese secondary school which was located near my school.He was more pronounced and indicated his interest in me right from the start.Since I live slightly near to school compared to the rest of the kids, I would often be the last to be picked up by the bus driver.So I ended up clinging onto the seat handle for support while the bus zoomed down the road.But this guy,he was so sweet.He would reserved an empty seat next to him in the crowded bus just so I could have a place to seat.After a while,it became so obvious that he was doing it just for me.And the teasing started while I shyly blushed away and denying that there was anything between us.I remember there was a time where I have left my water bottle in a hurry in the school bus.He picked up the bottle immediately and quickly stop the bus to hand it over to me.I could only stare at him in gratitude.And I used to miss seeing him when sometimes his parents would come over in their Honda Civic to pick him up.I would watched him at the corner of my eye catching and absorbing every little detail.But nothing ever happened between us and later the school bus driver stopped servicing that route leading to his school and I never saw him again.

As an active Red Crescent member,I have had the oppurtunity to attend numerous meetings and trainings that was held in the headquarters.At that time,the Red Crescent building was the dilapidated building that you now see standing on the verge of collapse in Macalister Road.The stairs creaked so badly I really thought I would one day sink into a huge hole underneath.But thank God,that never happened.Anyway,there was one time when I was called to attend a nursing course as part of the requirement to advance to the next level.I was elected as one of the committee member that year and thus,I couldn't make any silly excuses not to go.The teacher advisor specifically send me there so I grudgingly obeyed.Of course,it provided me much eye candy as I ended up tailing a guy all the way from the headquarters to the bus station in KOMTAR.I almost boarded the same bus as him had I not stopped myself in time.Such is the extent of which I would go to chase after love.Or was it infatuation?

It was also at another one of those Red Crescent events where I met an absolutely cute guy from another team.We were there for a telematch and many schools were invited to take part in it.So I went with Joyce,my best friend and a couple of the committee members.I was then promoted to the rank of Secretary and thus there was no way I could sleep late on that Saturday morning.All of us have a lot of fun during the telematch and it was only during the photo taking session that I noticed him.He was posing with his group members with his thin and tall frame while a pendant with the initial "KL" hung loosely round his neck.I bought the photo featuring him at the office.I bought two of it in fact and I remembered Joyce's bewildered look.Later,I found out that he was 4 years younger than me and that he was a Saint (the nick we used for St.Xaviers students).I bumped into him several times after that.Once at a church concert in Penang Christian Centre where he was handling the transparency(I was told he was a cell leader) and several times when I was out shopping.There was once when I was entering the shopping mall and he appeared at that very moment with a slightly plump but sexy girl on his arms.I remembered thinking that "Hey,that could be me".I told Joyce about it and all she did was to offer me a sympathetic look.

And when I was in college (the first time round),I actually like this opinionated guy who was the same age as me but very smart and very brilliant.I was introduced to him by a mutual friend and we used to hang out together.But because he was so egoistic at times,I sometimes had to grit my teeth and smile and pretend that his attitude didn't bother me...at all.Knowing me,of course that never last as one day, I had a major bust up with him while planning for our college ball.Many years after that incident,I am still feeling like a fool for losing my temper in front of 30 other students in the college hall while he just coolly pretended nothing happened.But all's well as I saw him this year after many many years after I left college,at my client's place.Or rather ex-client's place.Nothing much changed about him.He still looked the same to me.Nothing less than perfection and excellence from him.Except that maybe he is now happily attached with a brilliant chemist who is doing a double degree online and that he is a CEO of a company at the age of 24.While I...sigh~

As I entered the working world,I thought that perhaps there would be more oppurtunities for such endeavours.But as it turned out,I was completely burned out as work consumed me.Moreover,the only eye candy available were either engaged or about to be engaged.I thought changing into the sales line would allow me more oppurtunity to meet people.I sure did but...they were happily marrried.I have personally vow never to enter into a relationship with a married man, after having witnessed someone I know suffer in silence for the sins of her parents.I met this Singaporean guy who was working for a huge cinema chain that was based in Singapore.They had sold off the local distributorship of the chain and so,they decided to start a chain of cinemas with a different name with full support from the headquarters in Singapore.He was sent to supervise and manage the new chain in Penang while I was there to ink a deal.We started off pretty bad at first as he,being a hot blooded male have the usual egos to be dealt with.But later,we got on really well after we understood each other's working style.I even tried to bend myself forward to accomodate his sometimes unreasonable demands.And so,I was most surprise when I receive a call from him one day.He wanted to meet me and said that it was urgent.I was thinking in the denominations of ringgits and cents until he blurted out that he was leaving his company for good to start up his own company.He is partnering with a few key people in the movie industry to source for foreign films all over the world to be distributed in cinemas locally and in the Asean region.He offered me a job on the spot.We had a real long chat and I scribbled my e-mail address to him.We promised to keep in touch.I never saw him or heard from him after that.

In between all these,were of course the many encounters and countless infatuations I had with the neighbourhood kids,the CD guy at the record store,the cute guy sitting at Mc Donalds,etc etc not to mention the boy band idolising phase.

And like all the encounters,it ended just as fast as it started.

As I penned this thoughts,I wonder if...if any of them could have been the ONE for me.Maybe just maybe,I might have met my other half and missed it without even realising it.What would it be,had I entered into any of those relationship?How would my life turned out?Would I be where I am,doing what I do now?

Between infatuations and love,I have experienced more infatuations than I can count with my fingers.And yet,there is a deeper yearning to get on to the next level and experience the real thing.The one elusive thing that we all call "love".But how do you get from Point A to Point B?How to you progress from being infatuated WITH someone to being IN love with that person?

Or perhaps how do you even tell the difference between the two?It's easy to define it in words but not in deed.Not in actions.And certainly not the heart.

Granny's in town

2005-11-14T03:13:00.000+08:00

Spent some time with my granny and my second aunt at her new bungalow in Tropicana near IKEA.We spent time watching Astro and eating my aunt's homemade "lor mei fun" before heading off to IKEA and the Curve for a quick dinner and shopping.Except for my cousin's constant dissappearing act, I had a good time.The time spent together make the 1 hour LRT ride back home much more bearable.

Planet Shakers!!!

2005-11-14T02:56:00.000+08:00

It was a last minute decision to attend.I surprised myself by assembling 6 Christians at the eleventh hour to attend the last night of Planet Shakers conference in KL.We had such a blast,I was so glad I was part of that 5000 strong crowd who sang,jumped and screamed my heart out for Jesus.

Shake!Shake!Shake the planet!

The White Eye Peas???

Takin a break

2005-11-07T05:50:00.000+08:00

It's 9 mins to 6

And since I can't sleep again after my roomie shone the spotlights on me at 3am, I thought I might as well blog when the ideas are buzzing like wild flies.

I hopped over to Times Square yesterday.I just have to.I needed to take a break DESPERATELY.My grey cells need to be energised and that won't happened in this stuffy room of mine.I decided to catch a movie.Chicken Little,All about Love, Just Like Heaven, Election and Corpse Bride were all showing in the cinemas and I was spoilt for choice.

Incidentally, there was this slimming challenge going on in the concourse area, so I scoot over there and took a peek.As usual, there was all these vain puss promoting the slimming company and singing praises about how much flab they have lost thanks to the slimming programme.Well if you have spent like close to a few thou, of course you will lose weight.Otherwise, you would have marched right out to the slimming company and demand for a compensation or sue them in court.As for the rest of the mere mortals like me, who is living from hand to mouth, we can only rely on excercise and fruits as our means of dieting.If you have only a few hundred to spare, forget it.You would do better depositing the money in your bank.At least you can watch it grow.Healthily.I should know.I tried and it failed miserably.

The action on stage (The lady in black is her PA,I assume)

The skeletal star sitting demurely on her throne

Anyway, I managed to catch Chicken Little at 4pm.And it was ha...REALLY funny.If you are in dire need of laughs, this movie is for you.I had such a good time laughing at that little chicky's antics and for once, I actually forgot that I still have assignments waiting for me back home.Hmmm...that will just have to wait.

Chicken Little and his soda,ready to blast into the sky (My favourite pic)

Aaaa...you haven't watched Chicken Little yet???

Memorable Quote :

If you feel like the sky is falling on you, don't give up.Because...tomorrow is a new day

Thanks a lot lil' chicky.I needed to hear that!

Images of Chicken Little is courtesy of Yahoo!Movies

Installing Love

2005-11-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Haadyai,Thailand.It was a wonderful wonderful trip except for a little nail biting experience.Other than that, I got to visit most of the places I intended to visit and so,I am all smiles
Will blog about my experience later in the week.As for now,my project beckons and I try to resist whatever attempt to stop my itchy fingers from clicking the web browser.Till then,I shall leave you with a techie post.Ironically,I'm in the middle of my computer assignment...

*****
Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components". What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will
in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

Written by Anonymous

The journey home

2005-10-28T09:27:00.000+08:00

I am making a short trip back to my hometown this evening after class.I am feeling a wee bit homesick (Gee...can't believe I am saying this!!!) after the dinner I had with Elle last Sunday.We were chatting about the family and friends that we miss during the festive occasion,the delicious food found in Pasar Ramadhan which can never be duplicated elsewhere and most of all the kind of feeling that you get when you are back home.That overwhelming feeling that tells you;reminds you that you are finally home.That feeling itself is priceless...

I managed to buy my bus ticket home at the last minute.Elle was surprised as to how I got hold of it.Many of the tickets have been sold out as early as a month back,especially to destinations heading towards the north.I guessed a smile and a perfect set of white teeth, coupled with a little bit of help from above did the trick.

Anyway,I hope my trip home would be pleasant.The last time I went back home during a major public holiday,I ended up choking at the smoke filled Pudu bus terminal with a paperback in hand for a bloody 4 hours before the bus finally arrived.By then,I was entertaining murderous thoughts and conjuring up images of the mangled body of the bus driver lying somewhere behind the bushes,his face beyond recognition.

Catherine Lim,ze favourite author

2005-10-27T16:49:00.000+08:00

I was at the library searching for some information for my art project when my eyes caught sight of something.I picked it up in a flash and almost screamed in delight when I saw the object of my desire.I have hunted high and low for this book during my term break,but to no avail.It's the latest book by one of my favourite authors, Catherine Lim entitled "Unhurried thoughts at my funeral".

Yes,I know.I know.The title sounds a little bit spooky.I can see the face fell and the eyebrows arch after I showed the book to my coursemate beside me.But the reviews I read a few months back was still fresh in my mind and I remembered the reviewer have specifically mentioned the book explore the subject of life and death extensively,something which continue to intrigue me.

My early exposure to Catherine Lim's short stories came when I was in my final year of high school.I took up English Literature for better or worst and was required to conduct a detailed study on the works of several authors,one of which was Catherine Lim.I love Catherine's prose and style of writing.Her settings are very much localised (usually modern Singapore) and she uses everyday examples.From her written work,I can tell she has an acute sense of awareness and observation;picking up an everyday routine which is often overlooked and tell a story from a different angle.She keeps me glued to the pages,often hungry for more.

I was surprised when I googled her name and found out that she is actually a Malaysian and a Penangite like me.I have always thought she was a Singaporean,as she is often regarded as an established Singaporean writer.Nevertheless Malaysian or Singaporean,I loved her books and I can't wait to devour her book soon.

Festive Deco @ KLCC

2005-10-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

These pictures should have been up earlier,but since I was swarmed with work I only managed to upload it today.It was taken after I had dinner with my friend Elle last Sunday.

My plate of so so Chicken Spaghetti

Elle's plate of yummy Beef Spaghetti

A group of musicians dishing out traditional songs

A mockup of a typical Indian house during Deepavali

Kampung house right in the middle of KLCC?

Traditional rice art called Kolam

A water fountain spotted at the KLCC park

Alas...the pride of the nation
The towering KLCC illuminating the night sky.

Not another assignment

2005-10-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

Just into my 3rd week of semester and I am already bombarded with assignments.At the last count,I have 3 assignments in the pipeline.And today,I am given another additional 2 more assignments.All of which are nowhere near completion.Worst,all the assignments are due on Week 5,which means I have only 2 freaking week to complete it!!!!Good God,pls help me!!!I'm up to my eyes with work.Anymore work,Streets of Life will start climbing up the wall soon...

Information Overload!!!

2005-10-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

I'm bleary eyed,my shoulders are stiff and my neck feels like rubber after hours of speeding through the information highway in search for more info for my assignments.The assignments are due very very soon and I'm still at the first stage.There's so much info to analyse,dissect and ingest.My brain is sounding the "Information Overload" sign already.

Arghh...I need to catch a few winks and hopefully my mind will clear by then.Will be having a buka puasa dinner with Elle at KLCC.Can't wait to trade gossips!!!

Danger in sugar free sweets

2005-10-22T02:44:00.000+08:00

Addicted to sugar free sweets?

The type that scream "Minus the fat.Minus the guilt?"

If you are like me,who constantly chew on sugar free sweets just to stay awake during an extremely boring lecture,then this interesting bit of info is for you.

Aspartame

Birthday Gals

2005-10-22T01:43:00.000+08:00

Last week,a bunch of my yum-cha kaki in Penang celebrated their 24th birthday together.They are the ones whom I normally hang out with and have known them for umpteenth years since primary school days.Fast forward 2005, and now they are independent ladies in their own right, with one in the final year of college (while poor me barely into the first year) and the other just happily attached with a great guy and a thriving career to boot.

Ohh..how much I miss them...

The B'day Gals

It's raining women

Ohh...how I wished I was at the party..*sob*sob*

Under the weather

2005-10-22T01:07:00.000+08:00

It started with an itch.It felt like something's been busy digging and scratching at my throat.Then the cough came.One or two soft bark.Followed by "ha...choo~ ...".By then,I knew I was in serious trouble.Signs of losing my hard earned RM50 to the doctors came and went.I tried hard to supress the cough during class by swallowing my pack of Strepsils.It worked but only temporary.I was practically floating in class today.

I suspect the yo-yo weather is the main culprit.The incessant rain coupled with the occasionally hot and humid weather have caused my body to go into a feverish drive.And the number of replacement classes back to back have left me waking up at 8 am and coming home at 6pm.

I limped back home with my heavy backpack behind my back and almost collapsed in exhaustion on my bed.Managed to popped in an aspirin and was completely floored after that.

A few hours later,I realised I have missed my Life Group meeting but I am feeling so much better already, thanks to whoever who created aspirin or Panadol.It's seriously God's gift to mankind.I hope I can safely tuck away my RM50 note for my next visit to Midvalley Megamall.

Ohh,whatever happen to my Operation Save Money?

Trumped

2005-10-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

I've been Trumped.I have an immediate presentation and the person I was supposed to research on was none other than the real estate mogul, Donald Trump.

While surfing for more info on this man who popularise the catchphrase "You're fired!!!",I actually stumbled upon his blog.Yup!It's The Don's blog alright.

Check it out

And while you are at it,you may want to chew on some of his famous or infamous quotes. Some are worth to digest.

Rediscovering my roots

2005-10-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

I have yellow skin and the occasional freckles

I am naturally lean and

I have milky white flesh

*Hint* Hint* = A fruit

I'm a banana.What else?

Yup and that's what I am.Not literally,but I am what the locals would label a "banana" because I have yellow skin just like most Asians,but my flesh is "white" because I can't speak or read in Mandarin to save my life or stop the rain.

Blame it on the Malaysian education system.The flawed system which produce either excellent and impeccable English speaking students with no knowledge of Mandarin or fluent Mandarin speakers with absolutely horrendous English.

I used to view Mandarin as some kind of an inferior language compared to the white man's language.Having spent all my childhood in a convent school didn't help of course.I was only exposed to English most of the time.

So it sure came as a surprise as the older I become,the more I began to appreciate Mandarin.I dunno why.Perhaps it have to do with the current economic climate.Perhaps its the ease of communication.Or perhaps it's my feeble attempt of trying to dig deep into my own roots.I came to realise the significance of this language, be it verbal or written.The grace and fluency of the language and the beautiful strokes of the Chinese brush.Each stroke symbolise a different meaning without which the meaning would have been altered and the impact lost.

On the whole,I have been lucky to be exposed to a very Mandarin environment now that almost 80% of the college population are from Mandarin speaking background.Of course,I don't always understand what they say,of which I would just nodded my head silly with a grin plastered on my face.But generally,I do get by.Thanks to my ever increasing collection of Chinese artists album and helpful friends.

The albums which I have bought so far have been fab except for Faye Wong.For someone who was rated as a mega superstar in Hong Kongwood,I was most dissappointed with her Best of Faye Wong album.I nearly slept through the 2 disc album.Fortunately, Edison Chen and Sammi Cheng were there to save the day.Note to self : Save Faye Wong album for nights of insomnia

So how good am I at my mother tongue now?

Well,I'm not really there yet but I'm inching closer daily.The written Mandarin can be a real killer at times.I have so far only been able to recognise two characters "ren" (people) and "kou" (mouth).I don't even know how to write my own name in Mandarin!Yes,I'm that bad.My mom of course would hit the roof if she found out.But shhh...let it be a secret between you and me.

=====Quickie=====

2005-10-20T16:21:00.000+08:00

I was about to doze off in the middle of my Art lecture when I heard the piercing sound of "ti ti..ti ti" signalling a message coming through.It belong to one of my coursemate who was seated about 2 seats away.Suddenly she looked up and announced that the PM's wife had passed away.

Like the rest of the nation,I reacted with disbelief at first.After all,the newspaper reports have mention that she is on the road to recovery.But soon,the news was flying around the lecture hall and some even enquired if there would be a public holiday.Oppurtunist in times of grief?Sigh~

The news was confirmed by Jeff and a local daily.

I wished to express my deepest condolence to the Pak Lah and his family on the passing of his beloved wife,Datin Seri Endon Mahmud.

=====Quickie=====

2005-10-20T01:11:00.000+08:00

muscles aching

brain pleading

stop blogging

go sleeping

Results

2005-10-18T17:47:00.000+08:00

I dreaded this day.

I tried hard not to think about it.

Not to agonise over it.

Not to lose sleep over it.

But still...

I can't help it.And as the days drew nearer I find myself wondering if I could make the grade or otherwise.

And so,when my results was finally announced,my heart leapt with joy when I saw the 4 letter word that meant life and death to me.I P-A-S-S!!!I passed all my 6 papers!!!

Hallelujah...

The hours leading to the announcement was akin to waiting for my turn to enter a death chamber.And as the seconds ticked by,my soul slowly drifted out of my body and my mind filled with thoughts of what ifs.What if I don't passed?Ohh..God forbid that.What if I passed?Would I still leave all the studying right till the eleventh hour?Will I ever learn?And regrets filled my heart.

All I could do was to muster enough strength to whisper a prayer and hope for the best.

Most of my classmates didn't fare too well though.A quick count revealed only about a quarter of the class passed all the papers.Most have flunk either one or two of the subjects and have to apply to resit the papers next year.Sad thing was,I knew some of them studied real hard for the papers.Some even till the wee hours of morning.Well,I can only conclude that perhaps they applied the wrong study techniques.

Now that I won't be needing any of my books,I have this morbid idea of :

a) pouring kerosene on my pile of books, light up a match and watch it burst into flames
b) saving trees, tear the papers and make paper planes
c) going arty farty, shred it to bits and make paper mache
d) going environmental friendly and donate to recycle bins
e) saving it as a potential weapon to whack someone on the head

Come on folks...help me to decide!!!

Thus far

2005-10-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

Today mark the end of my first week in class for the second semester.

I'm proud to proclaim I have survived thus far.The lecturer's have all been neatly categorized into my behaviourometer (yes,I know quite a mouthful) and I am ernestly taking notes and accessing them constantly to see if I can spot a hint of their weakness which I can exploit.Hmm...I sound like a scientist analyzing a lab rat don't I?

Well after analysing my lab report, I am proud to produce the findings here:

BM : Ms. Hyper (Pronounced as hyyyyyyppppppeeeeeerrrrrr)
English : Ms.Dramatic on wheels
Computer : Ms. Mainland China (spoken in typical Chinese style with broken English)
Public Speaking : Ms. I-Don't-Give-A-Damn
Art : Ms. I'm-too-Sexy (Sing "I'm too sexy for my shoes,too sexy for my clothes")
Management : Mr.No-Nonsense (You scratch my back.I scratch your back)

Conclusion : I am going to have one hell of a time....

Bruised ego

2005-10-15T12:39:00.000+08:00

How do you console someone who have lost something precious?Something so precious which almost define the very existent of their being,that without it everthing seems so grey?So lifeless?

I came back from dinner at Johnny's (a chinese restaurant chain) with some coursemates a few nights ago and was told by my roomie that mom called.I checked my mobile and found 3 missed calls.When I finally got mom on the line,she broke the news to me.I didn't know how to react at first.There was a momentary silence between us before I found the words.

My brother was given the boot by the new company which he switched to just several months ago.It sure came as a shock to us and more so to him,as he never see it coming.He was handed a letter by the top level management and was told that his services was no longer needed.He came back home with a bruised ego and tears welling up in his eyes.Exasperated,mom called to see if there was anything I could suggest to help ease the situation.

I called him the next day after class.He seem preoccupied.From the conversation,I gathered he was more concerned about the bank loan which he took for the purchase of a new house more than anything else.Now that is out of a job,who is going to service the bank loan?I thought of making a short trip back home for the weekend,but thought the better of it.Knowing my brother,it would have make it worst for him.Perhaps he would rather be left alone to lick his wounds in silence than to have the whole household remind him of his misery.I think deeply he probably wished he didn't quit his former comfortable job to venture out into the unknown.Perhaps,he silently wished all this was just a bad dream that the moment he wake up,everything will be back to normal.But reality is sometimes further from the truth and the earlier we wake up from the bad dream and move on,the better we will be.

My brother have been a workaholic since day one.Heck,in fact my whole family is a workaholic.We would complain complain complain and work work work and complain work complain work and compain work.That pretty much defines the household when it comes to work.So when I first heard the news,I wondered why?Initially in the beginning he was working normal hours and clocking in five days a week.After the honeymoon stage,he was put on shift work on which he dutifully fulfilled.Later, he was told he had to be on call on Sundays and public holidays with no overtime claims.He gritted his teeth and plowed on.Why are employers so heartless these days?Aren't we suppose to be more humane?

I couldn't tell much from his tone of voice,but deep down I know he is hurt.Like a soldier which goes to battle only to come home ashamed,defeated with a wounded leg and a broken heart.

So how do you console someone in this situation?

There is no clear cut answer.And since I am staying miles away from him,the distance makes it even harder.

So should I ...

keep silent as he rebuild his ego and his life again?
allow time to heal the wounds?
or whisper comforting words which you and I know is easier said than done...?

Wait Till You're Older

2005-10-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

Once in a while, a nice feel good movie comes along and warms your heart.Your tears flowed freely and you blow your nose into that faithful Kleenex,imagining you were the character and the character was you.

That's my conclusion after being seated with a not-so-gentleman coursemate and a cinema hall full of teeny boppers watching Wait till you're older starring Andy Lau,Karen Mok and Felix Wong.

The idea to go for a movie wasn't mine.Not that I hate that movie.It was a really good movie.After all,how many movies that was churned out by Hong Kongwood that actually has a plot and doesn't leave you scratching your head at the end of the movie wondering "What the heck was the show about?"

But I digress.I was en route to the bank after our Management class was cancelled when S,my coursemate broached the subject of movies.Initially I wasn't interested to go.The Myth is currently playing the circuits, together with about half a dozen boring movie titles.I was in no mood to waste my RM9 for a movie which I could put to better use.Then he brought up this movie by Andy Lau.And since I was PMSing and was in dire need of some laughs,I said yes and off we went.Yeah..just the two of us.

The thought of catching a movie with a platonic friend didn't struck me as weird at first. I wasn't expecting anything.After all,he is just a friend and I remain inherently as the Aunty of the class.I didn't think guys would like to date anyone older than them (exception for my brother) and neither do I plan to date an 18 year old kiddo.But halfway there,he started acting all weird.He deliberately stood far away from me in the packed LRT.He started walking behind of me.Either that he shot right pass me and went God knows where,only to emerge suddenly behind me.Talk about hide and seek!

When the lights dimmed,I noticed his body began to lean over to the left as though I have some infectious disease or something.Feeling a bit cheesy,I just folded my arms on my chest and cast my eyes to the screen while he happily munched on his caramel popcorn.No,he didn't even bother to offer your's truly any of it, until halfway through the movie.By then,I felt like spitting into the popcorn for added flavour.

When the movie was over,we stopped by the loo to empty our bowels.On the way out,I bummed into another coursemate of mine.We smiled and nodded at each other.I casually mentioned to S about it and felt the colour drained from his cheeks.And so,the weirdness resumed.We walked to the far end of the mall and as usual,the delicious smell of Roti Boy wafted in the air.He stopped me midtrack to ask if I wanted one.I thought silently that perhaps,this bloke had finally come to his senses.And since nobody can resist the charms of Roti Boy,I said "Yes,why not" and he proceeded to the counter.It wasn't until long after we left the LRT station and were walking towards my car that I realised that he didn't buy me any Roti Boy.He had thought I meant I didn't want any.And so,I ended up back home with Roti Angin instead...

Sighed~

My friend S,you don't have to be afraid.Watching a movie with me doesn't qualify you as my bf or anything remotely similar.Walking beside me doesn't symbolise you are my bf either.You will probably qualify as my kid brother.By reacting and behaving the way you did,only show the lack of maturity you possess.And the earlier you learn to treat ladies with respect and behave less dungu, the more hugs and kisses you will receive.

Hmm...should I tell you this now,or shall I Wait till you're older?

The day that was

2005-10-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

Well..today started off with me tumbling out of bed with my blanket in tow.It's after all the first day of class after more than 3 weeks of holiday.I have set the alarm at 8 am only to wake up half an hour later.Even with the aid of 2 alarm clocks ringing incessantly,my body just refused to budge.I woke up reluctantly for fear that my roomie will pour buckets of ice cold water down my face.

I walked up the narrow path leading to college.I met up with several of my coursemates outside of our class and we chatted for a while before our first BM class starts.At the back of our minds,we wished for nothing more than good and dedicated lecturers to impart their knowledge unto us.Last semester, we had every known lecturer from hell and all we hope was better lecturers this time.

God indeed was listening in to our cries for help.He presented us with a comical lecturer in the form of an animated lady named Lydia.Standing at 5 feet tall,with dark rimmed glasses and garbed in an all black outfit,she pranced about the class as she describe the agenda for the day.My head spinned wildly trying to follow her movements before finally resorting to stare at my notebook instead.It is less taxing on my eyes.

Lunch break came and for the first time,I decided not to gorge myself silly.I had to diet and besides,I had pledge to adhere to Operation Save Money.So I grab a cup of Milo and a sandwich instead.A coursemate was having a financial problem and was wondering if she should quit college.It sounded kinda serious,so I decided to sit down and discuss some of the possible options with her.

Next came my English for Communication class.If you think my first lecturer was funny,this was even funnier.She make her entrance by knocking on the class door.She popped her head in,adjusted her blue geeky glasses and smelled the air before enquiring if it was the right class.Slim,tall and garbed in a batik silk headscarf, she stood before the class and introduced herself as Ms. Mei.She then went on and on with her hands waving wildly,walking back and forth the class while tossing her head.She was sooo...dramatic.

When it came to introductions,one by one of the student stood up to introduce themselves.We were supposed to state our name, nicknames, place of birth and a unique gesture.When my turn came,I gave a toothy bunny look which sent the whole class into fits of laughter.That was a pretty good start.

Dinner was spent skirting the nearby Pasar Ramadhan in search of mouth watering ayam percik (grilled chicken with spices) and ikan panggang (grilled fish) .It is only during the Muslim fasting month that you get to sample absolutely heavenly Malay delicacies like lemang and bubor lambok.There were 1001 things to eat,I sorta wished my stomach was bottomless.I settled for some bubor lambok and ayam percik instead.Hmm...I'm already making plans for my next trip there.Ha..what should I eat next?Satay?Murtabak?Roti John?Nasi dagang?Nasi tomato?Ohh..man..I'm hungry~

=====Quickie=====

2005-10-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

Been busy for the past few days,helping out my local church for their international women conference held in a hotel in Ampang.I was dead tired by the time I got home,so really don't have much time to blog.

I have discovered some interesting revelations on some "issues" that have changed my perspective.I will blog on it later..

Till then,sayonara!!!

A day past me by

2005-10-06T01:38:00.000+08:00

Woke up at seven
Couldn't even balance
Took a quick shower
Before I lose my willpower

Drove into the traffic
Nothing more terrific
Than to caught in a jam
When two cars slam

Arrived at the hotel
Helping to sell
Books and tapes
Before it's too late

Lunch time came
Everyone got the same
It smells nice
Wah,it's chicken rice

Whole day there
Doing nothing but stare
Wish I was home
Sleeping nicely with my comb

Operation Save Money 2005

2005-10-04T17:15:00.000+08:00

The recent fuel hike have caused many Malaysians like me, to scrimp and save as much as possible as traders used the rise in fuel as an excuse to raise the price of food and groceries.

In a bid to control my own spending, I have officially launched Operation Save Money.
The campaign shall commence effective today and will tentatively last until 31 December 2005.

Operation Save Money are outlined as below:-

1) Spend below RM4 per meal
No fancy meals, no more Jap food and certainly...no more juicy Swede balls...(darn!)

2) Save a minimum RM100 per month
Pay myself first before the money perform a dissappearing act

3) Support the mamak stalls and kopitiam
"Bang!Kopi O kau satu!".Why pay RM10 for coffee when you can get the real kopi at RM1.20?

4) Stay at home
Zero cost incurred and mom would be so proud of me

5) Stop succumbing to the 4 deadly sins
Bags, clothes ,shoes and accessories (If only I can keep my eyes glued to the ground)

6) Lock up the credit card
Better still, cut it up.Better to be save than sorry.

7) Walk instead of drive
Work out those legs and tone the muscles

8) Reduce air cond usage
Wind down the window and let the hair fly~ (Not recommended when tailing behind a lorry,lest they fart thick black smoke)

9) Keep myself healthy
Eat sensibly and exercise. Thou shall avoid crabs at all times.

10) Cut down on lepaking
Yes,even lepaking also cost a lot of moolah...

I, Streets of Life thereby agree to abide to the above commandments at all times.

So folks, please help to keep me accountable.Thanks!!!

Are you ready?

2005-10-04T01:45:00.000+08:00

When I first thought of moving down to KL as early as four years back,there was a lot of questions whirling in my head.After all,it was my first trip to KL after many years.I was working in a small firm then and was earning peanuts.I had to borrow money from dad just to pay for my trip.

But I will never forget my trip to KL.

How I gawked at the sight of the magnanimous buildings.How I marvelled at the advancement of technology.How I admire the ease of transportation that the LRT brings.How I salivate at the variety of restaurants and cafes that lined the stretch of Bukit Bintang.

And that's where it ends.

Because I did nothing except merely thinking about it.

And soon everything was forgotten.

Looking back,I guess I was not ready for it.Both mentally and physically.I wanted to move down to KL for all the wrong reasons and because my heart was not really in it,nothing ever materialised.

Fast forward this year.Things changed.Circumstances changed and I was determined to make it work.Partly because now I have a goal which I want to achieve and partly because I am now more confident and sure of what I want in life.

And when I finally make up my mind,things happened.

Doors which were shut was suddenly opened.Oppurtunities which have past me by suddenly came knocking.Dark clouds surrounding finances were suddenly cleared.And the list goes on.

As my cousin and I waited at the pedestrian crossing today,the flood of memories came back in full force.Suddenly,a light bulb went off in my head.

The revelation finally sink in.

When your heart and your mind is ready,things WILL happen

The reason why I only came to KL four years later,was because I was simply not ready for it and it wasn't the right timing.The reason why my cousin didn't want to consider studying before was because she wasn't prepared for it.The reason why so many people are walking around aimlessly talking about starting their own business,buying a house,switching their jobs,etc but never got round to doing it was because...they were simply not ready for it.

When the student is ready,the master will appear

True.So true indeed.

Walkabout

2005-10-03T18:00:00.000+08:00

I received an SMS from my cousin,late yesterday night.The message was clear and precise.She wanted to know the name of that fashion school which I had mentioned to her on several occasions.

I was surprised,baffled and overjoyed at the same time...

My cousin.Born with a golden spoon,luxury and money at her disposal.But alas,parental barriers denied her of her one true calling in life .....to pursue her dream in the glittering world of fashion.After several wasted years in Australia studying (coughs) plastic surgery and engineering, her fashion senses finally kicked in and now,she got her feet firmly planted on the ground.

And so today, I broke my vow to rot in my room and accompanied her to several fashion schools in Bukit Bintang, to enquire about the fashion design course. We walked into several schools.Some were overtly glamorous, while others resembled a prostitution den with dimply lit passage and narrow corridors.Most of these schools operated from shophouses.As what my cousin wanted was the skills and not so much about qualifications and accreditation; save for a little "bragging rights", we managed to obtain most of the information needed and narrowed our choices by the time lunch approached.

I had a greasy fish and chips in Planet Hollywood,while she ate a cheeseburger.She can very well afford the cheeseburger with her skeletal figure.She's only (gasp!) 46 kg for a 20 year old.I would have to literally starved myself to death to achieve that weight.

And thanks to the kind folks at Citibank, I get to enjoy some 50% discount off the meals which means I save about RM21 in all.Good news to all who are on a tight budget!

KL Arts Market

2005-10-02T20:18:00.000+08:00

Two months ago I read an article on the first anniversary of KL Arts Market.The arts market which was started about a year ago was a festival that showcase the local arts scene.Known as Laman Seni by the locals, it is usually held on the first Saturday of the month from 8 am to 5 pm on the grounds of the National Art Gallery,a beautiful structure sandwiched between Istana Budaya and the National Library.

My first reaction when I read the article was "There is such a thing in Malaysia meh?How come I don't know?..." I decided to check it out the next time it was held.But then exams came and it was soon forgotten...until I chanced upon the cut out article again.It happened that the day before I was lost and was trying to find my way back when I so happen to past by the towering structure.

So when Saturday came,I skipped breakfast and headed towards the market.There was already a small crowd there, as some of the delegates attending the 50th Asian Pacific Film Festival next door was there to participate in the activites.There were plenty of stalls selling their handcrafted wares under white shades outside the gallery.Activities such as traditional Malay dance and puppet show was held to keep the crowd entertained.Competitions,art workshops and talks were also held throughout the day.

Oil painting

Paper crafts

Cutesy clay deco

Whirl of batik

I walked around and found some delightful pieces of handicraft to cart back.I bought a wonderful shot of Pulau Ketam (original piece) from Gary,a professional photographer.He gave me his card and a few tips on photography.I also bought an oil painted bookmark and a decorative bottle.

I stopped by the ceramic booth and watched with amusement as the young and old dipped their hands in the clay.Minutes later a slab of mud was transformed to a beautiful looking vase or bowl.Intrigued,I penned my name down for the workshop and decided to join in the fun.Since there was a long queue, I took off in search of food.I wolfed down a plate of nasi kandar.By then, three men at the stall on the far end was busy stirring several pots of steaming bubor lambuk (a favourite Malay delicacy which is usually available during the fasting month) to be given out free to the public.

After waiting around, it was finally my turn.I was in luck as I was the last participant before they break for lunch.Under the guidance of the instructor,my hands slowly glided,transforming the clay into a beautiful bowl in the process.It was tougher than I expected.I need to apply just the right amount of pressure while moulding it.If I press too hard,it will thin the walls of the ceramic.If I press too softly,the ceramic will lose its shape and form.

Slimy Potter

After I was done,my beloved bowl was whisked away and I was allowed to mutilate it.Haha!I add several additions like stars,leaves,flowers and fishes at the side of the bowl.Yeah...a lil kiddish I know,but I can't think of anything else ,so hence the kindergarten theme.It wasn't until hours later when I finally stood up and gave it my final touch by penning my signature.Voila!

My lovely creation

I want this one!

Lelong!Lelong!Buy one free all!

I paid RM5 to have my bowl roasted along with the rests of the other vases and pots.It wasn't till 3pm before I walked to my car.

You know...I come to realise that sometimes; the best things in life don't cost you much.I paid a total of RM5 and had such a wonderful time that I was glad,I turned down two offers that day to go to 1 Utama to shop.

"Life is really all about living", I thought to myself as the engine whirred down the busy road.

Lessons from Tuesdays with Morrie

2005-10-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

After reading the book thoroughly for the second time, an idea came.

Why not jot down some of the life lessons?
Should my memory lapsed one day, at least I can be rest assured it would forever be etched in cyberspace.

And so,the lessons I learned are produced here.

Lesson 1

"There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I'm so angry and bitter. But it doesn't last too long.Then I get up and say, 'I want to live .....'

The last sentence was so powerful...I wished I can quote this very sentence to friends who have committed suicide.Or to anyone I know that had even considered that very idea.Life is so precious, if only they know...

Lesson 2

"I'm on the last great journey here and people want me to tell them what to pack"

Haven't we all thought of death, at least once in our lives? All the list of how's,what's and why's that often go unanswered?

Lesson 3

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing,but you are bound to do something else.Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't.You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted"

It's called the tension of opposites. So true indeed.I struggle with issues like this almost everyday of my life.Sometimes, a part of me wished I was working, while at other times a part of me was glad I was studying.Sometimes, I wished I had studied elsewhere but at other times, I was just glad to be where I am.

Lesson 4

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves.And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it"

I am glad I realised this statement much earlier on in my life.I graduated just like everyone else.Raring to go and offer the world my talent.I packed my bag with my Diploma and filled it with dreams of big houses and cars and lotsa cash.And by the time part of that dream came true,I was nothing more than a shadow of my happy self.Yes,be strong enough to create your own culture.It is after all your life.

Lesson 5

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and to let it come in"
"Love is the only rational act"

In the Bible,Jesus said love is the greatest commandment of all.That four letters that we often understood as a boy-girl relationship, but in essence it really means the love that is express to all living being.How many times have we held back love for fear of being rejected, being manipulated?

Lesson 6

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see,you have to believe what you feel.And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too - even when you're in the dark.Even when you're falling"

Trust.I would be the first to admit here it's not easy to trust people a 100%.How could I?How could we?After all,we are living in the most dangerous of times.The most violent of times.Where friends can overnight turned into beasts.But Morrie is not telling us to trust blindly.He is telling us to trust our instincts.Our gut feelings.And he's right.If I am ever gonna have anyone to trust me, then I should learn how to trust them too.

Lesson 7

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"

Does it mean,we should sliced our wrist now or jumped off buildings to have a feeeel of death,before we can learn how to live?Nope.Definitely NOT.If we did,I don't think anyone of us can live to tell the tale,moreover learn how to live.I think what Morrie really wanted to say was to learn to die to our old self.The one who only knew how to exist, but didn't know how to live it.And unless we die to that old self, we are never going to learn to live life. As a Christian I believe in Galations 2:20 "I have been crucified in Christ and it is no longer I who lived, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me"

Lesson 8

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family"
"Love each other or perish"

Love each other or perish.I repeated that phrase many many times until I was convinced it was stored in the thick recesses of my mind.And I hope you do the same too.

Lesson 9

"If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being and learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children"

You know,I used to think that when I get married I did rather not have kids.I witnessed so many happy couples whose lives were turned upside down and downside up after the arrival of their baby.Finances were tight,freedom was bound and time was no longer their own.But I think Morrie did have a point here.The only way one can learn about total responsibility is really to have a kid of your own.There's no stronger love or bond on this earth that can compare to a parent and child bond.

Lesson 10

"But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.You know what pain is.You know what love is.You know what grief is.And only then can you say, 'All right.I have experienced that emotion.I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment' "

I now understood why sometimes, I allow myself to plunge deep into the sea of emotions before I could fully swim ashore and walked away freely from it.But be careful, as many know how to plunge but do not know how to swim.In the end,they drown in the sea of emotion and never went ashore.

Lesson 11

"There's a big confusion in this country over what we want versus what we need"

Yes.What do we want?What do we need?Will our needs ever satisfy our wants?Will our wants overshadow us and consume us to the point of no return?Perhaps Ralph Waldo Emerson sums it best when he said "Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover"

Lesson 12

"I believe in being fully present.That means you should be with the person you're with"

Ever tuned out in a conversation with some friends,only to sneak back on time to nod your head or smile; so you could fool your friends that you're listening, when you are actually making plans for dinner?

Lesson 13

"People are only mean when they are threatened"

So true.I like to think that beneath the hard exterior and steely gaze of every human being, lies a heart of gold waiting to be discovered.

Lesson 14

"Invest in the human family.Invest in people.Build a little community of those you love and who love you"

Have we invested and build in the right places?

Lesson 15

"Forgive yourself before you die,then forgive others"

Forgiveness.When I read this phrase,memories of my grandpa came flooding back as I blinked back tears.He was long gone,but they were things which I should have done but haven't.Immature things which I did,that I would never have the chance to redeem.It took me years before I could overcome that and forgive myself for what I've done.Almost a decade later,could I muster enough courage to kneel on his grave to ask for his forgiveness. I've learnt,forgiveness can set you free from the past and allow you to live in the present.When you learn how to forgive yourself,you learn how to forgive others.

Lesson 16

"As long as we can love each other and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away"
"Death ends a life, not a relationship"

Leave a legacy of love before it's too late

Reflections from Mitch Albom:

"I look back sometimes at the person I was before I rediscovered my old professor. I want to talk to that person.I want to tell him what to look out for, what mistakes to avoid.I want to tell him to be more open, to ignore the lure of advertised values, to pay attention when your loved ones are speaking,as if it were the last time you might hear them"

I am talking to that person now.

"Have you ever really had a teacher?One who saw you as a raw but precious thing, a jewel that,with wisdom could be polished to a proud shine?If you are lucky enough to find your way to such teachers, you will always find your way back.Sometimes it is only in your head.Sometimes it is right alongside their beds"

Unlike you,Mitch I do not have such teachers.But I'm grateful to you for sharing your teacher with me and the rest of the world.

I'm finding my way back.I'm finding my way back...

ALL quotes are extracted from the book Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Tuesdays With Morrie

2005-10-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

Tuesdays With Morrie

I must say I haven't read any fiction book more than twice; that is until Tuesdays with Morrie came along.

This book allow readers the rare experience of sitting in a classroom where the subject was The Meaning of Life. And as I sit in,I can't help but to nod along with approval while professor Morrie Schwartz teached his favourite student, Mitch Albom life's greatest lesson one last time.

I count myself fortunate, to learn from the knowledge of Morrie Schwartz as he entered the final passage of life.The lessons written with such clarity and focus; jolts me to what needs to be done now, before it's too late.

A must read for all who often wondered what will happen during the final days of their lives.

Gem of a blog

2005-09-30T22:58:00.000+08:00

I've been reading,err...stalking a number of blogs for the past few months and found quite a few gems which I simply adore.But one which stood out was a blog aptly titled as Getting There, which I discovered through Blogarama.

If you are a working adult or has been (like me) and often find yourself trapped between your real self and your corporate self and dying to take a break,then scoot over to Getting There (make sure you get there) for some much needed humour.

The blogger, Luke (Skywalker?) presents humour with just the right twist,to an otherwise normal and boring day at the office. Read how the lil piggie survived the budget forecast and you would know what I mean.

Hello Kitty Instant Noodles

2005-09-29T16:09:00.000+08:00

Hi!I'm Hello Kitty!You are welcome to eat me!

I received a mail from a friend the other day,announcing a brand new instant noodles which I think will definitely get poor unsuspecting pre pubescent kids hook on instant noodles.

I was once a lovely stick thin kid,that is until I discovered instant noodles at the age of 9.So,yeah..I blame the Japanese for creating the instant noodles craze.Ok,I digress.

The said noodles contain (read this) edible Hello Kitty figures complete with Hello Kitty ingredients.How it taste like,I honestly don't know as I haven't seen it retailing here in KL yet.One look at the picture,reminds me of rubber.You know,the eraser you use as a kid which you beg your mummy to buy for you to show off to your friends? Anyway,I think it will definitely be flying off the shelf the moment it hits Malaysia.

Nice to see,
Nice to eat,
Once eaten,
You're a kitten.

Ain't I cute?

Help!I'm drowning!

We are after all progressing as a fast food nation.So what next?Batman Instant Noodles for the macho boys?

Singapore's new National Library

2005-09-29T13:42:00.000+08:00

I was reading the article by AFP today on the efforts of the Singaporean government to promote a knowledge based society by building a new National Library just right across a popular teenage hangout,the Parco Bugis Junction shopping mall.

It brought back memories of my first trip to Singapore a few months back when I was in the capital for a much needed break,shortly before I resigned from my job.I remembered dumping my mom and her friend at one of the shopping malls (I think it was Takashimaya) to wander off on my own.I was walking around on one of the floors and chanced upon a state of the art bookstore.I walked right in and started searching for my favourite author and found one of his many classics.It was then I realised the book was tagged with a code.I looked around before realising that I had just walked into one of Singapore's many public libraries which was built within a shopping mall.I was certainly impressed.Very impressed if I may add.

Coming from a Penangite who have spend a considerable amount of time growing up with a down trodden public library with bad lighting,creaky wood staircase which led up to rows of cheap wooden tables and leaky air conditioner,the library before my eyes was certainly way better than those back home.I wished for the umpteenth time that this sort of library would be available in Malaysia,better still if it was in Penang but then,I supposed that would be wishful thinking.

The new Singapore National Library was built with a cost of RM456 million (gasp!) with an avant garde design,stock about 634,000 book titles (wow) under one roof.Equipped with wireless internet access and computer kiosks, it also has plush leather sofas to sink your oversized butt into with sufficient natural light illuminating in the reading area.

According to the chief executive of the National Library Board,N.Varaprasad "We cannot compete on price with the lower-cost growing economies in Asia.We must compete on talent and knowledge and deliver higher value added activities".

Now,if only the Malaysian government would take note and start investing in building better libraries, improving the existing libraries and "planting" libraries in shopping malls.If only...

Stay in

2005-09-29T13:14:00.000+08:00

Today is officially my stay-in-room day.I have read all but one miserable page of Mitch Albom's,Tuesdays with Morrie.Since Jenny would be flying out to Shanghai this weekend,she decided to lend me the book first with a condition I take good care of the book.I told her I don't mess with books and I mean it.

It's been more than a week now since I came back to my half a room abode to spend the rest of my holidays in KL.The place is virtually void of beings,which is good news to me.Save for my room and another room a few doors away,the whole block is pretty much in a state of peace and calm.No more loud music blaring during ungodly hours, no more dirty mugs and bowls in the pantry and no more unclaimed undies in the drying area.It was pure bliss.

I have finished reading today's paper and have borrowed a number of books from the college library to keep me occupied.Since I have spent close to (shhh...) RMxxx since I went on holiday,I thought I am better off rotting in my room, at least for the next couple of days before my coffers dried up for good.

Juicy balls

2005-09-29T01:44:00.000+08:00

Aww....just looked at those balls!!!

Thumbs up to IKEA's Swedish meatballs.I'm a raving fan now.The juicy balls (don't ya think otherwise) came with boiled potatoes and cranberry sauce at the side.It cost me about RM12.90 for 15 meatballs.Don't let your eyes deceived you,as these balls can really pack a punch.I was so full by the end of the meal,I had to pack my lovely dessert home.

I managed to capture a shot of what my Life Group leader ordered before she devoured her food.She ordered roast beef which was the chef's recommendation and a creamy pudding topped with cut fruits.I nicked a little bit of both and nodded my head in approval.

We went round IKEA's furnishing section after that,searching for any bargain buys but came back pretty much empty handed,at least for me anyway.I didn't manage to get the ceramic mug that I was looking for.

I had wanted to pop in to The Curve which was located right opposite IKEA but my suggestion was shot down.Instead we settled on 1 Utama, after I casually mentioned that MPH Bookstores would be having a rare sale effective today.As 1 Utama was a stone's throw away,we somehow managed to find our way there.Don't ask me how I got there.I'm pretty bad with directions.All I did was to control the stering wheel and stepped on the accelerator.

The sale was really dissappointing.At least for the MPH outlet in 1 Utama.I had expected better book bargains especially since they put up so many gigantic banners all over the store proclaiming books were going as cheap as RM1!Upon reaching the Booker Room where the sale was cordoned off to MRC members and SBB credit card members,both of us were confronted with books which were yellowing and destined for Bookdom.The newer books were pretty much kiddies fair and the paperbacks were so yesterday.

Finally,I spotted an Anthony Robbins book which I refused to buy on many occasions due to it's over- the-top price, for a bargain rate of RM20!It was Unlimited Power.Needless to say,the book was pretty worn out but since a new book with the same title was retailing at RM45.95 in the same bookstore,I grabbed it immediately.It was after all the last one on the shelf.

It was close to a quarter past 5 before we exited the parking lot and hit the road.Fearing a massive traffic buildup somewhere along the highway,I drove at redneck speed and managed to arrived back home in a piece without any misturns.Phew!!!What a day!

Now,let me drool over those juicy balls...

Knowledge for all

2005-09-28T11:01:00.000+08:00

I got an SMS from a long time friend who got married early this year.She was a dear friend of mine ever since high school before she moved to KL to study and subsequently work.

She informed me that an article she wrote appeared in KOSMO,a hip and happening Malay tabloid and told me to buy a copy.I did and after reading it,I can't help but to feel how much she has matured ever since school days.Time and experience has certainly brought about a tremendous change in her life.

The article touched on the challenges she faced in her life and how she often thought success belongs to those who were born with it.Those who were born smart.She never once imagined that she too could attain success.However,all that changed after she moved to KL and was offered a place to study in a local university.She was greatly inspired by the efforts and determination showed by some of the part time students who faithfully sacrificed their weekends to attend classes.The sight of the students some of whom are in the late stages of pregnancy and some who brought their kids in tow because they couldn't find a caretaker,greatly inspired her.

The best part of the article as I told her,were the last three paragraphs.According to her there is a saying that says "You should lie in the sun,while the day is still hot".It simply means give it your all and do your best while you still have the oppurtunity.It is never too late to pursue education no matter how young or how old you are,because...knowledge is for all

Swedish meatballs...here I come

2005-09-28T10:53:00.000+08:00

Yay!!!

Persistency does pay off.After days of hounding my Life Group leader Jenny to show me the route to IKEA,she finally agreed to bring me there today.

When I rang her up yesterday,she said "no",as she had to pack for her week long trip to China.So,I was pleasantly surprised when I received a call from her later informing me that she would bring me out today for lunch.

I had wanted to try the Swedish meatballs in IKEA for the longest time ever since I heard about it.Yes,IKEA is more than just furnitures.They do have a cafeteria which serves up delightful dishes I was told.

Hehe... I can't wait to sink my teeth into those succulent meat~

A little trip down town

2005-09-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

After becoming RM53 poorer as a result of my own crabby decision,I decided to ground myself in my room.Besides,I have been spending money like water ever since the holidays started.

That lasted for like 1 and a half days, before I jumped into the car and started the ignition.The were 1001 reasons playing repeatedly all over my head on why I shouldn't waste my time rotting in my room when I could go out there and enjoy the wonderful sunshine.

And so..I decided to drive over to Maju Junction instead.It's a shopping mall which I spotted during the numerous trips up and down from where I was staying to the Pudu bus terminal during the earlier days.Since it was located just after the Bulatan Pahang,I thought I would drive there instead.Besides,I really don't know how to get there via LRT.

So the plan was hatched.I would drive back exactly the same way I came.There would be no confusion and I wouldn't be stucked in God knows where.

I passed by Chow Kit road (Malaysia's red light district) and make a right turn to the mall's basement parking lot.The mall as it turned out seem to be void of people.There was hardly anyone around for which I was glad.At least I don't have to queue up when paying for my purchases which I hate.I broke my promise of sticking to the not-buying-anything rule and bought a pair of lovely sandals from a shop called Wings and a navy blue top from Factory Outlet Store.

The stuff sold at the stores in Maju Junction were soooo affordable and cheap,I wished I had discovered this place earlier.I would have carted off tons of stuff home if only my pocket was bottomless.Shops that you must visit : Wings, FOS(plenty of nice,comfortable T's) and Niichi.

The mall I conclude do have some in house heavy big wigs like Starbucks (they are everywhere these days),Body Shop,Wh,FOS,Ms. Read,Lovely Lace,Kyros Kebab,KFC,Kenny Rogers Roasters and Giant.But otherwise,the place is to put it bluntly looked like a has-been shopping mall.Most of the people there were office workers clad in their office garb from the offices on the top floors of the mall.A shame really as the mall is located in one of the busiest junction in KL.

Anyway,after 2 hours I was ready to go.I exited the place about 6pm only to emerge on a completely unfamiliar road.Up ahead was Sogo and tons of people on the sidewalk.I took a left turn and several turns later I ended up more confused and as dazed as ever.Finally,I alighted from my car and ate the humble pie.I asked for directions and was given 2 contrasting directions by 2 different people.Ever encountered situations like this?No wonder I was lost.

In the end,I grabbed an old Indian man selling newspapers by the roadside and asked him a tell-me-or-I-shoot question.I was in no mood to be friendly.The sun was sinking and it was getting dark.The last thing I need was to be stranded in God-knows-where.He explained there was actually 2 different routes to where I intended to go.I choose the route I was familiar with and after several misturns which led me to a pasar malam and a PAS dominated kampung (shrieks!!!),I finally found the Bulatan Pahang.There was a signage indicating the place I was heading to and so I followed the sign and took a left turn.Damn!

It took me back to Chow Kit road AGAIN!!!Remind me to strangle the DBKL officials if I happened to bum into them the next time.Why can't they put up accurate signboard?Fortunately there was a U turn up front.It wasn't until 2 hours later that yours truly was free from the traffic crawl and back safely in her room.

Lesson : Be prepared for any eventuality.Driving in KL is not for the faint hearted.

Crabby or crappy?

2005-09-26T20:55:00.000+08:00

When my Life Group (a small gathering of Christians) announced that they would be making a trip to Kepong on Sunday for a seafood dinner,I was thrilled to bits.It provided the perfect break which I need from the everyday Chap Fan.

Then,something stopped me.Aren't you supposed to be allergic to seafood?"Ohh well.What the heck.You only live once",I thought and nodded my head when they make a headcount for the trip.

So when Sunday came,I packed into a friend's car at 5pm (The earliest dinner I've ever had!) and off we went.We went through a maze of highways passing by Batu Caves with it's gigantic rock gaping at us.

I was surprised to see people were already there enjoying their crabs when we got there.It was after all a wee bit early for dinner.But the crabs...they were cheap.Dirt cheap if I may add.The crabs only costed about RM18 per kg.It was easily the cheapest crabs you can find anywhere within KL,as my Life Group leader aptly pointed out.

We ordered several variations of crabs : cheese crabs, nam heong (Spicy crabs) and ham heong (Crabs cooked with salted egg yoke). As we have a toddler and an Indonesian maid among us, we ordered some kailan, fried chicken, fried tofu (heavenly!), mantau,steamed fish and Fatt Poot (Translated, it literally means Buddha's butt.No offence,but really it is a delightful dish make of fried yam and topped with a generous helpings of pistachio nuts,green chillies and button mushrooms)

By the time the first dish arrived,all table manners flew out the window as one by one rolled up their sleeves and attacked the crabs.I naturally went for the nam heong first before making my way with the rest of the crabs,not to mention the delicious fried tofu.Halfway through,I noticed the snaking queue outside of the restaurant.For once,I was glad I was not among them.They would have to wait for at least another hour for our table,looking at the amount of food we ordered.

It was late by the time we were done.I headed straight for a movie after dinner with a different set of friends.I passed the popcorn without hesitation as there was simply no more room for them.My tummy for once didn't complained.

It wasn't until I came back and showered that I noticed a spine tingling sensation all over my body.At first,I shrugged it off as just the chills from the cold shower I just had.But it became apparent it was more than that.

Then,the itch started.And of all places,it HAD to itch at you-know-where.Yes,down there at the most sensitive part of the body.Damn!

Then I began to notice mosquito like bites all over my body.I tried to apply my fool proof rashes cream which have served me faithfully for so many years.It vanished after a while,only to reappear in different parts of the body.

After several attempts of tearing my body apart from scratchings and numerous attempts to sleep it off; unsuccessfully,I conceded defeat and headed to the nearest 24 hour clinic.This must have been the worst rash I've encountered.

A jab and several tablets later,yours truly was sleeping like a baby,starring as the victim in The Revenge of the Crabs

Lesson: Some things are not worth risking.Don't dabble with crabs,lest they revenge and transformed you into an octopus

Another chapter

2005-09-24T22:22:00.000+08:00

When I first make the decision to go back to college for my degree,the uppermost thing on my mind was the cost of education and the impact of my decision on the people around me.

I took pains and calculated the cost and weight the risks before taking the leap.

I pride myself for having make the best possible decision.Until I discovered I hadn't factor in one crucial aspect :: the examinations

So it was with great agony and torture which I endured for the last month as I dusted off the cobwebs and waded through my books to prepare for battle.

As the semester comes to an end,so does a chapter of my life as I bid farewell to thick academic books, caffeine, instant noodles, stabilo pens, anxiety and worries.

I am embracing the 3 weeks semester break with open arms...

A to Z

2005-09-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

Me from A to Z

A-Annoying

B-Boisterous

C-Christian

D-Determination

E-Eats a truckload

F-Freakish

G-Girlish

H-Headstrong

I-Insane at times

J-Jokes

K-Kick ass

L-Loves life

M-Money money money

N-Never say never

O-Open minded

P-Ponders on life

Q-Questions everything

R-Reads ferociously

S-Student

T-Talented

U-Understanding

V-Very peculiar

W-Working adult (in previous life)

X-X'ray eyes

Y-Young and dangerous

Z-Zany

fresh start

2005-09-23T03:03:00.000+08:00

It's 3am.

The air is crisp.cool.fresh.

Just the way I like it.

Today, marks the beginning of this blog.

The day where my thoughts,dreams and experiences finally found a home...